Keycode Strategies of Superflirts by Peta Heskell
Compiled by Jack Foley
TO CELEBRATE the release of The Flirt by Kathleen Tessaro, we have compiled a list of how to flirt to gain the best chance of success (whether it be for Valentine’s or any time of the year). Or rather, we asked Peta Heskell to devise some strategies…
1) Superflirts are relaxed. Stop being needy and relax. If you need something desperately, it’ll show and they’ll run a mile. Relationships are not about finding someone to make you whole, they are about being complete yourself and finding someone to share the joy of life with. If necessary, take a personal development seminar or read some self help books.
2) Superflirts like themselves. Start being and liking yourself. If you don’t like the way you are, then how can you expect anyone else to. And if you pretend to be someone you are not, other people may fall for that person, NOT you!
3) Superflirts dissolve barriers. Eliminate the barriers you create. Stop telling yourself before you’ve even tried that there isn’t anyone out there or they won’t like you because it will leak out of you for everyone to see. Start thinking about what wonderful qualities you have to offer the right person.
4) Superflirts are top Connectors. Expand your network. Bars and clubs are the worst places to meet people. Make a list of everyone you know. You’ll be surprised how they may be able to expand your social scene. No-one ever met the love of their life sitting at home watching TV. Join Social networks, online groups. Get connected, plug into the grid.
5) Superflirts spread sunshine. Be a mood enhancer not a mood hoover. Find something positive to say about life rather than complaining constantly. Everyone hates those black cloud people who sweep away their good moods. Check yourself from time to time, how many times have you said something positive today rather than something negative? When you see someone without a smile, think about giving them one of yours. Make it your religion to make other people feel good for no good reason.
6) Superflirts see it, like it, tell you. Develop your complimenting skills. Each time you meet new people, make a mental list of all the genuine compliments you can give. Once you’ve built up the complimenting muscle, start using it for real. Give them out indiscriminately and see how people glow.
7) Superflirts smile and make eye contact. Exercise your smile and eye muscles. Focus on what’s positive about you, smile about it, catch someone’s eye and then smile at them, for no reason. Short frequent eye contact with a smile tells them you are connecting with them, that you are a nice person, that you know how to be happy and it makes them feel good. Make a habit of being someone that people enjoy having around.
8) Superflirts do small talk well. Have something to talk about. Scan a newspaper daily, go to the movies, subscribe to a general interest magazine. Form an opinion on something current that interests you and be prepared to use it in conversation.
9) Superflirts accept and learn from rejection. Rejection is a sign to try something else. Be sure not to set yourself up for rejection before it happens. Saying things like “he won’t like me” or she’ll be rude to me in front of my friends’ is the kiss of death to any encounter. Your inner thoughts leak from every pore. Assume that everything will work out as it is meant to. If you get a “no”, move on to the next! When someone ‘rejects’ you say to yourself: “I’m glad I know because I want to be with someone who LIKES ME.”
10) Superflirts make you feel interesting. Be interesting by being interested. Try listening more than talking – a good ration is 40/60. When someone starts to talk, imagine they’re the most fascinating person in the world. Let the person have their moment of glory before diving in with the ‘me too’s’. Most of us spend the time they’re talking trying to work out what to say in return. That means we miss most of what they’re saying. Cut the mind chatter while they’re talking and focus completely on them. When they pause count to three slowly and respond. The answers will come up more naturally if you’ve allowed your unconscious to absorb what they say.
11) Superflirts do great rapport. Don’t be a space invader. A
sideways approach is generally less threatening than a head on
confrontation. Notice their reactions as you move closer and adjust accordingly. Someone moving back is a sign that you have overstepped their personal space boundary. Try to pick up on the minute signals that say, “you’re getting too close”. Look out for crinkles around the eye, head going down, change in breathing, mouth movements. All these subtle signals appear BEFORE someone moves back. If you can catch them early you’ll avoid
invading their space.
12) Superflirts know their levels. Be realistic. Sorry, if Brad or
Angelina ever get unhitched, they will probably not be interested in you. Look around – most couples you see are about equally matched in status, looks and interests. Look past the surface to what’s inside. Looks fade, great personalities get richer with time.
13) Superflirts do it with love. Say no nicely. Ladies, this is for you. You never know who’s watching. ALWAYS reject someone nicely with a kind word and leaving them feeling better for the encounter with you. If someone sees you rejecting someone cruelly, chances are they won’t risk approaching you.
14) Superflirts have integrity. Don’t play phone games. No one
likes to be made a fool of. Guys, if you take a phone number, use it, within three days. Ladies, if you don’t want them to call, don’t give a fake number, just say no nicely.
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