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Lesbian Vampire Killers

Lesbian Vampire Killers

Review by Jack Foley

IndieLondon Rating: 1 out of 5

THE presence of James Corden and Mathew Horne can’t prevent Lesbian Vampire Killers becoming a massive disappointment.

Phil Claydon’s film was supposedly conceived as a comedy-horror homage to the Hammer films that provided an ideal platform for its stars to showcase their small-screen talent on the big screen.

Instead, it comes across like a juvenile and shockingly amateur pre-pubescent male fantasy that’s unfunny, crass and boring.

Corden and Horne play eternal slackers Jimmy Maclaren and Fletch, respectively, who resolve to go on a walking holiday in Britain when it becomes clear they haven’t got the required money for a trip to Ibiza.

Picking a remote village by random, they soon find themselves stuck in a remote cottage with a camper-van fill of sexy Swedish students and beseiged by a hungry army of lesbian vampires. They subsequently propose to fight back against the busty bloodsuckers before Carmilla, a 17th Century vampire queen, can be resurrected to wreak bloody revenge upon the rest of the world.

Also in the hunt is a feisty Swedish student (MyAnna Buring) and a parish priest (Paul McGann), who is desperate to end the town’s curse before his daughter turns 18 at the stroke of midnight.

To be fair, the ingredients are in place for a fun horror romp in the style of Shaun of the Dead, but any goodwill towards it vanishes pretty quickly amid the film’s obvious desire to opt for petty titilation and laboured jokes.

The gags, in particular, are painfully unfunny, and mostly revolve around sex, booze and getting Corden covered in as much goo as possible, while the shoddy nature of the screenplay hampers all of the performances, so that not even the usually reliable chemistry between Corden and Horne survives intact.

At just under 90 minutes, the film also feels laboured, repetitive and long, offering virtually nothing to recommend it. All in all, it’s a frightless pain in the neck.

Certificate: 15
Running time: 86mins
UK DVD & Blu-ray Release: August 3, 2009