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Glee: Season 1 - Sue Sylvester's Greatest Quotes

Glee: The Complete Season 1 (Sue Sylvester)

Compiled by Jack Foley

JANE Lynch stars as Sue Sylvester on Fox’s hit musical comedy-drama series, Glee. Sue Sylvester is coach of the cheerleading squad, ‘The Cheerios,’ and will do just about anything to destroy Will Schuester and his glee club.

Sylvester is one of the most delightfully horrible characters on TV, and even as she tries to sabotage Will and the glee club members time and again, she is the character you love to hate. Her quick, witty, and sometimes outrageously ridiculous lines have fans laughing out loud whenever she is on the screen.

To celebrate the DVD release of Glee Season 1: Road to Regionals, available on DVD, and Glee: The Complete First Season, available on Blu-ray and DVD, released September 13, 2010 from Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, We’ve picked out some of our favourite and most memorable Sue Sylvester quotes from Season 1.

1) “I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.”

2) “Caning works! And I think it’s about time we did a little more of it right here… yes, we cane!”

3) “[Ramps] are what I call lazy-makers. They discourage able-bodied students from getting proper exercise by using the stairs.”

4) “You know, for me trophies are like herpes. You can try to get rid of them, but they just keep coming. Sue Sylvester has hourly flare-ups of burning, itchy, highly contagious talent.”

5) “So you like show tunes. It doesn’t mean you’re gay. It just means you’re awful.”

6) “What would Madonna do? Well, the answer to that question would normally be: Date a younger man.”

7) “You may be two of the stupidest teens I’ve ever encountered – and that’s saying something. I once taught a cheerleading seminar to Sarah Palin.”

8) “Get ready for the ride of your life Will Schuester. You’re about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination horror!

9) “All I want is just one day a year when I’m not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties.”

10) “I’m reasonably confident you will be adding revenge to the long list of things you’re no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club, and finding a hair style that doesn’t make you look like a lesbian. Love ya like a sister.”

11) “I empower my Cheerios to live in a state of constant fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.’’

12) “I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness.”

13) “I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go to college? I don’t know. I don’t care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners.”

14) “Every time I try to destroy that club, it comes back stronger than some sexually ambiguous horror movie villain.”

15) “I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark cold night, I will steal away into your house and punch you in the face.’’

16) ‘‘I’m gonna make it a habit to not stop and talk to students because this has been a colossal waste of my time.’‘

17) ‘‘You don’t deserve the power of Madonna…. Simply put, you have all the sexuality of all those pandas down at the zoo who refuse to mate.”

18) ‘‘That was the most offensive thing I’ve seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.’‘

19) ‘‘You’re dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It’s like mother’s milk to them.”

20) ‘‘I can’t stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it’s from physical exhaustion.’‘

And that, “is how Sue, C’s it”

Glee Season 1: Road to Regionals, available on DVD, and Glee: The Complete First Season, available on Blu-ray and DVD, are released on September 13, 2010 from Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment.