Review by: Jack Foley | Rating:
DVD SPECIAL FEATURES: Director's commentary. Blooper
reel. DVD ROM (with 2 games). 6 storyboard comparisons. Deleted
scene. 2 featurettes: A Tour of Nick's fine sports collectibles
and Road Trippin' - Making of. Theatrical trailer.
THERE is a point, early on, in the tepid comedy, Are We There
Yet? when a 'bling-heavy' Ice Cube refers to children as 'cockroaches
- except you can't squish them'.
Audiences might be willing him to do so come the end of the picture,
given that the two brats (sorry, kids) that inhabit this particular
adventure have to rate among the most obnoxious to have urinated
and vomited their way across our screens for some time.
Are We There Yet? is supposed to be a feel-good family comedy
for the holiday period. Instead, it's a nauseating road trip to
hell that was even passed over by Adam Sandler (whose made his
fair share of comic stinkers).
Ice Cube stars as child-hating sports memorabilia dealer, Nick,
who unwittingly falls for the busty charms of Nia Long's single
mother, Suzanne, despite being desperate to avoid the pitfalls
of becoming a father-figure to her children, Lindsey (Aleisha
Allen) and her younger brother, Kevin (Philip Daniel Bolden).
When the kids' real father 'pulls a sicky' rather than having
them for New Year's Eve, however, Nick reluctantly agrees to take
them to Suzanne in Vancouver, where she is supervising a function,
believing it might just help him move from friend to lover.
What he doesn't count on, however,
is the children's mean-spirited ability to thwart every red-blooded
male who has designs on their mother.
Hence, what should have been a simple matter of escorting the
children on an airplane to Vancouver rapidly becomes a personal
nightmare for Nick, who is forced to drive them in his cherished
Needless to say, the children do everything in their power to
ensure that Nick fails in his objective and stop at nothing in
their quest to humiliate and frustrate him.
Far from being funny, however, the movie is just a catalogue
of toilet jokes and drab set pieces that seem to be counting down
to the inevitable dose of happily ever after sentiment.
Both Lyndsey and Kevin are excrutiatingly precocious and totally
beyond redemption, while Suzanne offers little or no insight as
to why Nick would be willing to go to such lengths to impress
Nick, too, comes with his own irritations, the most annoying
of which is a computer-animated bobble-head doll of a baseball
legend that attempts to provide him with a voice of reason throughout
Director, Brian Levant, fails to draw a single note-worthy performance
from his lightweight cast and resorts to ever-more desperate measures
to provide some excitement, even having the children convince
a trucker that they have been kidnapped in their bid to be free
Rather than calling the police, however, said trucker (played
by MC Gainey) uses his vehicle as a battering ram, thereby placing
the little ones in even more jeopardy.
It's a scene that pretty much sums up the moronic nature of proceedings.