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Compiled by: Jack Foley
EVERY year, Hollywood throws up a number of colourful personalities
we would love to be, or know, in real life.
Perhaps the coolest of cool characters are reserved for the likes
of Steve McQueen, in Bullitt or The
Great Escape, Clint Eastwood, in his Spaghetti Western persona,
or George Clooney or Brad Pitt, in their Ocean's
Eleven guise.
But 2003 conjured up several memorable turns, including the Lord
of the Rings crew (and Legolas, Aragorn and Gandalf especially),
and Frank the Tank, of Old School fame. So here are our ten favourites...
 1)
Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean)
Reason: For almost single-handedly breathing new life into
the pirate movie genre, and saving the Summer blockbuster from
the endless tide of special-effects driven sequels.
Cool moments: Depp shamelessly hogs virtually every scene
he is in, but stand-out moments include his opening jaunt around
Port Royal, his drunken attempt to woo Keira Knightley while stranded
on a desert island, and, best of all, his response to any woman
who slaps him around the face.
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 2)
The Bride (Uma Thurman, Kill Bill: Volume One)
Reason: For helping to ensure that Quentin Tarantino remains
the king of ultra-stylised violence, and for making the Samurai
sword this year’s weapon of choice.
Cool moments: The opening domestic brawl with Vivica A
Fox’s Copperhead, as well as her handling of ‘Fuck Buck’
in the hospital, rate highly enough; but the quintessential cool
moment has to be her ruthlessly efficient massacre of Lucy Liu’s
Crazy 88 at The House of Blue Leaves. Do movies get any more exciting
than this?
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 3)
DEA Agent Sands (Johnny Depp, Once Upon A Time in Mexico)
Reason: Desperado was cool, but Once Upon A Time in Mexico
seemed cooler, despite a jumbled premise, thanks to Depp’s
mesmerising turn as the DEA agent who conducted business without
a shred of conscience, yet who remained likeable despite being
despicable.
Cool moments: Telling a child to ‘fuck off’ after
being approached for a donation gets things rolling nicely, before
the comic double-dealing begins, but it's the gloriously overblown
finale, in which a blind Depp takes on allcomers, which is an
absolute blast, ensuring his place in cult status.
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 4)
Bruno, The dog (sketched character, Belleville-Rendezvous)
Reason: It’s not often that an overweight, and train-obsessed
pup can be called a hero, but Bruno goes to extraordinary lengths
to save his beloved owner, with the help of the equally unlikely
Madame Souza, in Sylvain Chomet’s excellent movie.
Cool moments: Doubling as a tyre rates highly, as is his
attempt to escape from the frogs’ leg dinner prepared by
the triplets of Belleville, but for sheer cool status, paddling
across the ocean in a pedalo has to rate as one of the year’s
finest moments, as the chase begins for his owner.
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 5)
Frank Abagnale Jnr (Leonardo DiCaprio, Catch Me If You Can)
Reason: DiCaprio excelled in Spielberg's entertaining true
story, about a successful con artist who managed to pass himself
off as several identities, including a pilot, doctor, and, latterly,
a lawyer. Do you concur?
Cool moments: Getting one over Tom Hanks' bumbling FBI
agent in a hotel room comes high on the list, but with so many
cons to choose from, it really has to be his seduction of Jennifer
Garner's high-class temptress. Sheer class.
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 6)
Igby Slocumb (Kieran Culkin, Igby Goes Down): Reason: For
taking teen angst and coming-of-age insecurity and making a mockery
of them. Igby gives as good as he gets, even when constantly being
beaten down by everyone around him, making him a brat worth rooting
for, in a world that you wouldn’t want to inhabit.
Cool moments: Whether trading insults with Clare Danes’
equally socially-inept Sookie, or mixing it with Jeff Goldblum’s
slimy father-figure, Igby consistently holds his own; but the
most enduring image comes in the form of him walking along the
street, bruised and psychologically battered, to the timeless
strains of Coldplay’s Don't Panic.
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 7)
Sean Bateman (James Van der Beek, The Rules of Attraction)
Why? Brother of American Psycho, Patrick, and all-round womaniser,
Van der Beek showed a darker side to his pretty boy, Dawson's
Creek image in Roger Avary's sexually-charged movie.
Cool moments: Drug dealing, motorbike riding, hanging out
at parties, snogging women... what's not to like? Rock 'n' roll,
dude!
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 8)
Ray Elwood (Joaquin Phoenix, Buffalo Soldiers)
Why? Described in certain quarters as 'the dubious love child
of Sergeant Bilko', Phoenix's irrepresible Ray Elwood took on
his military bosses and consistently won, no matter what the cost
to himself and those around him. As a pro-military movie, this
gleefully stuck two fingers up to the notion of patriotism.
Cool moments: Wooing and winning the daughter of his chief
Army tormentor, and stealing a truckload of weapons, following
a drug-fuelled tank rampage.
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 9)
Chuck Barris (Sam Rockwell, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind)
Reason: Sam Rockwell turned in scene-stealing performances
in this, Welcome to Collinwood
and Matchstick Men, so he
had to figure somewhere. And as games show host, turned CIA assassin,
he provided a terrific lead performance, which considerably enlivened
George Clooney's stunning directorial debut.
Cool moments: Playing the CIA game, whether seducing Julia
Roberts, playing off against Rutger Hauer, or seeking tutorage
from Clooney's Agency mentor.
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 10)
Billy Mack (Bill Nighy, Love Actually):
Reason: For turning a knowingly cheesy Christmas record into
something viewers could root for (both on film and in real-life)
and for shamelessly stealing every scene he is in, in Richard
Curtis’ slush-fest.
Cool moments: Appearing on TV with ‘Ant or Dec’,
his radio interview, during which he confesses to shagging Britney
Spears, and the video for his single, Christmas Is All Around,
which attempts to parody Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love.
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