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AS USUAL, for every good film Hollywood puts out, there are two or three
stinkers waiting just around the corner! So the yelp of delight which greets
the invitation for Gangs of New York or Spider-Man, for example, is quickly
replaced by a headache-inducing groan when word of Scooby Doo (on a
Sunday morning!) reaches you.
This year's turkies came thick and fast, with some truly diabolical movies
out there. Choosing ten was easy - even though I had the good fortune to avoid
seeing some of the worst offenders (Black Knight, A Walk To Remember, Boat
Trip or Snow Dogs, for example).
But there were plenty of yawn-inducing, snooze-fests to sit through. Fallen
giant, Kevin Costner, for example, prompted one critic (sat beside me) to
lament that 'life is too short for films like that', following a screening
of the 90-odd minute Dragonfly, while the lumbering Jim Carrey epic,
The Majestic, was nothing like its title suggests!
Worse still, was the criminally unfunny pairing of Robert DeNiro and Eddie
Murphy in Showtime, the wooden Samantha Mumba alongside Guy Pierce
in The Time Machine, or the pointless collaboration between the demented
Steve Irwin and half the Australian outback in The Crocodile Hunter.
But which, if any, of the aforementioned dross made the top 10 turkies. Scroll
below to find out! Then why not email us with your comments - we're at indielondon@yahoo.co.uk
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10 |
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Title: Killing Me Softly (18) |
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An erotic thriller of death-defying stupidity made watchable by the chance to see the former Felicity Shagwell, erm, shagging well! |
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Dumbest scene: Heather Graham allows herself to be tied to the table by her insane boyfriend! |
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9 |
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Title: Resident Evil (15) |
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Yet another game console to big screen failure which suffers from terminal blandness. Milla Jovovich tries her best but gets lost amid the laughably bad zombies. |
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Dumbest scene: Anything involving the laughably bad zombies. |
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8 |
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Title: Shallow Hal (15) |
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The Farrelly Brothers tackle the last taboo - obesity. Jack Black falls for the beautiful woman (Gwyneth Paltrow) inside the fatty outside. A weighty subject that was anorexic on laughs. |
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Dumbest scene: Jack Black checks out his best friend's deformity. |
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7 |
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Title: The Musketeer (12A) |
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The Three Musketeers is given The Matrix treatment with disastrous results. A blunt swashbuckler salvaged only by Tim Roth's wonderfully loathsome villain. |
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Dumbest scene: The awkward romance involving fallen American Beauty, Mena Suvari. |
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6 |
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Title: 13 Ghosts (15) |
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The title says it all - this was a truly unlucky experience for anyone who saw it, with the usually reliable Tony Shalhoub squandering the opportunity to lead a film. Hauntingly bad! |
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Dumbest scene: The obvious finale. |
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5 |
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Title: The Sweetest Thing (15) |
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Cameron Diaz attempts to return to the gross out glory of Something About Mary, girlie-style, and fails abysmally. There were times when you wished the seat could swallow you whole! |
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Dumbest scene: The 'penis song', quickly followed by the blow-job that goes wrong. |
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4 |
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Title: Crossroads (PG) |
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Not really a singer, but certainly not an actress, Britney stars in the funniest film of the year - only it wasn't supposed to be! Saved from being higher in the list, only by the site of her underwear! |
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Dumbest scene: Britney reads her boyfriend a touching poem - or the words of 'I'm not a girl, not yet a woman'. Pass the sickbag, please! |
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3 |
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Title: Scooby-Doo (PG) |
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A case of Scooby Don't, as a CGI-mutt attempted to replace the loveable Hanna Barbera cartoon classic. A real dog's dinner and a crime worthy of the great Mystery Inc themselves. |
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Dumbest scene: Scooby and Shaggy attempt to out-fart each other. |
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RELATED STORIES: Click here for
Jack's Top 10 Turkies of 2001...
