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The Top 10 Worst Movies of 2003


Compiled by: Jack Foley

AS WITH any year at the movies, for any good film, there were plenty of rotten ones... and the stinkers this year seemed particularly ripe.

Take, for instance, the Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez vehicle, Gigli, with its unforgettable 'gobble, gobble' moment; or horror vehicle, Ghost Ship, which deserved to sink as fast as the Titanic at the box office.

Jackie Chan delivered two duds, in the shape of The Tuxedo and The Medallion, while even his reunion with Owen Wilson, Shanghai Knights, failed to match the laughter value of the original.

So which, if any, of these made it into our annual list of turkies?

Let's start at the bottom...

10) Tomb Raider 2: The Cradle of Life (12A)

Why?
'Jan De Bont’s movie is a noisy, pointless action flick that squanders the charisma of its leading actress and feels mind-numbingly boring as a result.'
Review l Buy it

9) The Life of David Gale (15)

Why?
Parker’s attempts to remain hard-hitting flounder amidst the stupidity of proceedings, delivering a slap to the face of audiences, rather than the intended knockout blow.
Review l Buy it

8) Basic (15)

Why?
Basic is... a noisy military whodunit with its eye on classics such as The Usual Suspects and Akira Kurosawa’s Rashomon, which consistently fails to realise any of its potential.
Review l Buy it

7) Dreamcatcher

Why?
From the moment the aliens emerge from the bottom of one unsuspecting carrier, while sitting on the toilet, things tend to go down the pan.
Review l Buy it

6) National Security (15)

Why?
Co-starring Steve Zahn, the film is a pathetic attempt to tackle the issue of racism with laughter, but feels so laboured and misjudged throughout, that audiences are likely to feel more insulted than inspired when (or if) they emerge from cinemas.
Review l Buy it

5) Analyze That (12A)

Why?
The self-humiliation of Robert De Niro is all but completed in Analyze That, the phenomenally bad sequel to the successful Mafia/shrink comedy, co-starring Billy Crystal.
Review l Buy it

4) Maid in Manhattan (PG)

Why?
This is, in the final analysis, a one-star hotel of a movie masquerading as a five-star showpiece. But don't be fooled by its service, for this is ultimately soulless.
Review l Buy it

3) Legally Blonde 2 (PG)

Why?
By the time the credits rolled at the end of Legally Blonde, I felt like a gluttonous schoolboy, who had overdosed on candyfloss - that is to say, absolutely sick! That feeling had returned within minutes of the start of the sequel.
Review l Buy it

2) What A Girl Wants (PG)

Why?
Inspired by the fairy tale charm of the 1958 Sandra Dee/Rex Harrison romantic comedy, The Reluctant Debutante, What A Girl Wants, is a sickly sweet fluff piece that is likely to leave you feeling nauseous, rather than heart-warmed in any way.
Review l Buy it

1) Gigli (15)

Why?
There is a moment, midway through the ‘romantic gangster movie’, Gigli, when lesbian hit-woman, Jennifer Lopez, lies back on a bed and seductively tells would-be boyfriend, Ben Affleck, that it’s ‘turkey time’, before inviting him to ‘gobble, gobble’. It serves as an appropriate metaphor for the rest of proceedings.... This is a movie whose brain belongs in its pants, and which deserves to be roasted for the turkey it truly is.
Review l Buy it

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