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Compiled by: Jack Foley
AS WITH any year at the movies, for any good film, there were
plenty of rotten ones... and the stinkers this year seemed particularly
ripe.
Take, for instance, the Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez vehicle, Gigli,
with its unforgettable 'gobble, gobble' moment; or horror vehicle,
Ghost Ship, which deserved to sink
as fast as the Titanic at the box office.
Jackie Chan delivered two duds, in the shape of The
Tuxedo and The Medallion,
while even his reunion with Owen Wilson, Shanghai
Knights, failed to match the laughter value of the original.
So which, if any, of these made it into our annual list of turkies?
Let's start at the bottom...
10) Tomb Raider 2: The Cradle of Life (12A)
Why? 'Jan De Bont’s movie is a noisy, pointless action
flick that squanders the charisma of its leading actress and feels
mind-numbingly boring as a result.'
Review l Buy it
9) The Life of David Gale (15)
Why? Parker’s attempts to remain hard-hitting flounder
amidst the stupidity of proceedings, delivering a slap to the
face of audiences, rather than the intended knockout blow.
Review l Buy
it
8) Basic (15)
Why? Basic is... a noisy military whodunit with its eye on
classics such as The
Usual Suspects and Akira Kurosawa’s Rashomon, which consistently
fails to realise any of its potential.
Review l Buy
it
7) Dreamcatcher
Why? From the moment the aliens emerge from the bottom of
one unsuspecting carrier, while sitting on the toilet, things
tend to go down the pan.
Review l Buy
it
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6) National Security (15)
Why? Co-starring Steve Zahn, the film is a pathetic attempt
to tackle the issue of racism with laughter, but feels so laboured
and misjudged throughout, that audiences are likely to feel more
insulted than inspired when (or if) they emerge from cinemas.
Review l Buy
it
5) Analyze That (12A)
Why? The self-humiliation of Robert De Niro is all but completed
in Analyze That, the phenomenally bad sequel to the successful
Mafia/shrink comedy, co-starring Billy Crystal.
Review l Buy
it
4) Maid in Manhattan (PG)
Why? This is, in the final analysis, a one-star hotel of a
movie masquerading as a five-star showpiece. But don't be fooled
by its service, for this is ultimately soulless.
Review l Buy
it
3) Legally Blonde 2 (PG)
Why? By the time the credits rolled at the end of Legally
Blonde, I felt like a gluttonous schoolboy, who had overdosed
on candyfloss - that is to say, absolutely sick! That feeling
had returned within minutes of the start of the sequel.
Review l Buy
it
2) What A Girl Wants (PG)
Why? Inspired by the fairy tale charm of the 1958 Sandra Dee/Rex
Harrison romantic comedy, The Reluctant Debutante, What A Girl
Wants, is a sickly sweet fluff piece that is likely to leave you
feeling nauseous, rather than heart-warmed in any way.
Review l Buy
it
1) Gigli (15)
Why? There is a moment, midway through the ‘romantic
gangster movie’, Gigli, when lesbian hit-woman, Jennifer
Lopez, lies back on a bed and seductively tells would-be boyfriend,
Ben Affleck, that it’s ‘turkey time’, before inviting
him to ‘gobble, gobble’. It serves as an appropriate
metaphor for the rest of proceedings.... This is a movie whose
brain belongs in its pants, and which deserves to be roasted for
the turkey it truly is.
Review l Buy
it
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