A/V Room









The Top 10 Worst Movies of 2004

Compiled by: Jack Foley

AS WITH any year at the movies, for any good film, there were plenty of rotten ones... and the stinkers this year were as ripe as ever (and I didn't even have to see them all!).

Having delivered a pre-Christmas turkey with last year's Gigli, Ben Affleck served up another this time around, with Surviving Christmas.

While some British efforts were truly appalling - although we'll come to those in a moment.

And for every good Summer blockbuster, such as The Bourne Supremacy and Troy, there were very many bad ones, with Thunderbirds and Van Helsing among the pick of the big budget flops.

But which, if any, of these made it into our annual list of turkies?

Let's start at the bottom...

10) The Butterfly Effect (15)

It is all deeply unpleasant stuff, told in such an uninvolving fashion that it ends being distasteful and unsatisfying. Kutcher doesn’t possess the talent to convince on any level that he is capable of intelligent thinking, while you can almost see him trying to remember his lines (under his breath), at one point, which lessens the impact of his character.
Review l Buy it

9) Van Helsing (12A)

Hollywood's thirst for action and special effects proves almost as insatiable as Dracula’s lust for blood in Van Helsing, the first big-budget extravaganza of the 2004 Summer season. Sadly, it makes for a viewing experience every bit as cold as the fanged one’s heart in this excruciatingly painful take on the vampire legend.
Review l Buy it

8) Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Resident Evil, the original, provided conclusive proof that computer game franchises very rarely (if ever) translate to film. Its sequel, subtitled Apocalypse, merely serves to underline that sentiment, as well as achieving a new benchmark in stupidity for this sort of thing in the process.
Review l Buy it

7) Suzie Gold (15)

The ensuing ‘comedy’ leaves no cliché unturned, and ends up being more offensive to Jewish customs than The Passion of The Christ, given that virtually every single character on show conforms to some form of ridiculous stereotype.
Review l Buy it

6) Catwoman (PG)

Without wanting to sound catty, it’s easy to see why the claws are out for Catwoman, the latest super-hero to hit the Big Screen. The film, which has comically been dubbed ‘the Showgirls of super-heroes’ by one US critic, is a cringe-inducing exercise in movie-making that appears to go out of its way to humiliate the talents of a former Oscar-winning actress.
Review l Buy it

5) Taxi (12A)

While the set-up sounds as though it could be fun, and the film follows pretty much the same format as Besson's sleeker original, it consistently raises groans instead of laughter and feels hopelessly mis-cast to boot. Fallon, especially, makes for an excruciatingly annoying lead character, consistently proving himself to be as inept a comedian as he is a cop. Review l Buy it

4) Thunderbirds (PG)

This is, at the end of the day, a children’s film which almost has a duty to appeal to the adults, given that it should be rekindling fond childhood memories, as well as inspiring the youth. Its failure to do so renders it distinctly less FAB than it clearly thinks it is, forcing viewers to pine for a return of the puppets. Review l Buy it

3) Churchill: The Hollywood Years (15)

In real life, Churchill made his two-fingered V for victory salute something of an iconic image, yet the only two-fingered salute audiences will want to give this film is something that means quite the opposite. It deserves to sink without trace at the box office.
Review l Buy it

2) The Calcium Kid (15)

Orlando Bloom may be well on the way to Hollywood super-stardom, thanks to impressive turns in the Lord of the Rings trilogy and Pirates of the Caribbean, but he suffers a heavy blow in his latest - a particularly wretched boxing comedy, that is likely to leave viewers feeling punch-drunk and sick.
Review l Buy it

1) The Principles of Lust (18)

An orgy, late on, feels voyeuristic and borderline pornographic, but pales into insignificance by comparison with her depiction of the world of bare-knuckle brawlers. There is no justification for showing such scenes, and no intention other than to shock, and the film fails to recover from it, ending up as a reprehensible work.
Review l Buy it

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