Review: Jack Foley
GOLDIE Lookin' Chain are comic rappers from Newport, comprised
of eight members with names ranging from Eggsie (Mr Love Eggs),
Xain (Dwayne Xain Zedong), Adam Hussain, Two-Hats, Mike Balls
(Hardest Man In Soccer Violence), Billy Webb, Mystikal and the
They get their musical jollies by taking the proverbial out of
some of the harsher subject matters of the US hip-hop scene, dishing
out f-words with gleeful abandon, yet doing it with a Welsh accent.
Where US acts might rap about murder and guns, Goldie Lookin'
Chain prefer to swap insults about each other's mothers, or talk
about computer gaming experiences and unemployment.
It's designed to be a clever take on the hip-hop theme; a novelty
act to make you laugh out loud.
And while there are moments that are likely to leave you chortling,
or even grooving along to some of the beats, the overall impact
of this Greatest Hits collection - which represents a major-label
compilation of the highlights of their last five self-released
CD-Rs - is extremely muted.
At best, childish, at worst, just plain crap, Goldie Lookin'
Chain are a novelty act too far - and the joke is wearing thin.
Lyrics include such odes as 'I want to make you sweat, the way
a pig sweats on a hot day, cos I'm feeling real sexy baby, real
sexy', on You Knows I Loves You, and 'he thinks he's
Robocop, he's covered in tin foil and has got matching metal socks,
we tried to sedate him, but he fuckin escaped' on Half Man,
But then what else could you expect from an album that includes
the track, Your Mother's Got A Penis?
Even the album's better moments, such as recent single, Guns
Don't Kill People, Rappers Do, don't contain much merit,
given that they rely on hooks from other songs - in this case,
a vocal grab from KRS-One's Sound Of The Police.
Quite why the music media has hyped them to the degree they have,
affording them headline-grabbing slots at Glastonbury, is as big
a mystery as the excitement which currently surrounds another
novelty act, The Darkness.
But this album contains the feel of something you might buy because
it's deemed trendy to do so, only to find yourself wondering exactly
why in a year or so's time.
And that's being fucking polite about it.
1. The Manifesto
2. Self Suicide
3. Guns Don’t Kill People Rappers Do
4. Half Man Half MAchine
5. Roller Disco
6. Soap Bar
7. Billy Webbs Lament
8. Your Mothers Got A Penis
9. The Maggot
10. You Knows I Loves You
11. Leeroy Fashion Lament
12. 21 Ounces
13. Time To Make A Change